Emotional Regulation for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Kids: 3 Tips to Stay Calm and Connected

It’s 8:30 am on a Monday morning, and the bus is outside waiting. My kids are still in their rooms, and they’re not coming out.  

“I just have to finish one more thing,” they yell.

I can feel my patience running thin, and I’m starting to escalate. The pressure of the moment is building, and I know I’m at a crossroads. I can either raise my voice and lose control, or I can stay calm and guide them out the door with a level head.

For me, emotional regulation is the hardest part of parenting. I struggle with it. It’s always been a challenge and a source of shame for me, especially in those rushed, stressful moments when my kids aren’t listening or when I feel like I’m the only one trying to get things done.

But here’s the truth—emotional regulation isn’t just about staying calm for your own sake; it’s about teaching your child how to manage their emotions, too. And it’s something a lot of families struggle with. 

So, what can you do when you feel yourself starting to escalate and lose control?

Here are three tips to boost your emotional regulation skills, support yourself as a parent, and model healthy emotional management for your child:

1. Pause and Breathe

When emotions start to rise, the first thing you need to do is pause. It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and react in ways we don’t mean to, especially when the clock is ticking. But by simply taking a moment to breathe, you can reset your nervous system and avoid escalating the situation.

Try the 5-5-5 technique: inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and exhale for 5 seconds. This helps calm the body and allows you to regain control of your emotions. Giving yourself a moment to pause gives you the space to respond rather than react impulsively.

2. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s completely normal to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or even angry. But often, as parents, we try to suppress these feelings because we think we should have everything under control. Instead of ignoring or judging your emotions, try acknowledging them. 

Say to yourself, “I’m feeling frustrated right now, and that’s okay.” Simply naming the emotion helps you step back and gain some distance from it, preventing it from taking over your actions. Remember, feeling emotions doesn’t make you a bad parent; it makes you human. Emotions are part of the parenting journey, and by accepting them, we model emotional acceptance for our children.

3. Give Yourself a Break

Parenting a neurodivergent child is intense, and it’s easy to forget that you, too, need time to recharge. You might feel like you’re always “on” and always in caretaker mode. But self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity.

Take a break when you can, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Whether that’s stepping outside for some fresh air, sitting in a quiet room, or asking your partner for help, giving yourself a moment of space will help you return to the situation with a clearer, calmer mindset. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t be the best version of yourself for your child.

Bonus Tip: Use Support

Sometimes, things feel especially tough, and that's okay. If you're struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Talk to a therapist, a friend, or another parent who understands what you’re going through. Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. You don’t have to do this alone. Support can make a huge difference, and it’s one of the best ways to ensure you’re taking care of yourself while also being there for your child.

You’re doing an amazing job, and it’s important to remind yourself of that. Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up and doing the best you can, day after day. Keep giving yourself grace, and remember that every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and looking for more support in your parenting journey, feel free to reach out or check out our new 5-Day Challenge: Master the Meltdowns – 5 Days to Peaceful, Connected Parenting. It’s designed to give you practical tools to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child.