Why Your Neurodivergent Child Melts Down After School—and What It Really Means

Parent Tips| Parenting and Family Support| Education and Learning| Community and Advocacy

April 20, 2025•2 min read

The other day my son came home from school and had a meltdown. All I did was ask him a question. Was I doing something wrong at home? Why was he having great days at school and then coming home and having meltdowns?

If you've ever had these questions, you aren't alone.

This is something I hear from parents all the time:
“He holds it together all day, but the second he sees me, it’s like a switch flips.”

Bryson Tarbet, a former elementary music teacher and guest on episode 94 of the Every Brain is Different podcast, described this experience from the perspective of a neurodivergent child:

“I did everything I could to behave during school, but the moment the car door shut, I’d fall apart. I was just done masking. I had nothing left to give.”

Meltdowns at home aren’t a sign that your parenting is broken. They’re often a sign that your child has spent all day meeting expectations that didn’t take their sensory or emotional needs into account. You are their safe place. Because of that they feel safe enough to let their mask go.

So what can you do?

Start by shifting your lens from “How do I stop this?” to “How can I help them feel safe and seen right now?”

That might look like:

Offering quiet time and a snack before talking
Skipping after-school questions and letting them decompress
Using co-regulation tools like calming music or a weighted blanket

And if you’re still feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of what to do in the moment, I’d love to invite you to my next Parenting Power Hour. It’s a free online gathering where we talk about what’s going on in your home and walk through strategies that actually work for your neurodivergent child.

We meet the second Thursday of every month from 12:45–1:45 p.m. MT.
Reserve your spot at everybrainisdifferent.com.

After-school meltdowns Autism masking at school

Samantha Foote

Samantha’s mission is to strengthen, guide, and empower parents, children, and adults to develop emotional awareness, improve social skills, and gain effective coping skills resulting in improved peer relationships, increased family harmony, and a calmer & more relaxed demeanor. She is a board-certified music therapist, a Positive Discipline Parent Educator, and a registered Music Together teacher. She obtained a Bachelor of Science degree from Utah State University and completed her Masters of Music with a specialization in Music Therapy degree from Colorado State University. She is a Neurological Music Therapy Fellow and a Dialectical Behavior Therapy-informed Music Therapist. When she is not working, Samantha enjoys spending time with her husband, children, and extended family. They enjoy fishing, camping, and other outdoor adventures.

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