Why Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Need 10 Minutes to Do Absolutely Nothing

When was the last time you did absolutely nothing? Just sat and did nothing. You weren’t answering emails, unloading the dishwasher, scheduling an appointment, researching something for your child, or mentally running through the 123455 things you still need to do?

I mean actually nothing.

There is always something that needs your attention. Someone needs help finding something. Someone is hungry. Someone needs help regulating their emotions. There’s an email from the school you need to answer. An appointment you need to schedule. Dinner needs to be figured out.

Even when nobody actively needs you, your brain may still be scanning for the next thing. If you’re like me, you’re ALWAYS at least researching something or thinking about what I need to research.

That’s why I want you to intentionally put 10 minutes of nothing on your calendar.

Give Your Brain Some White Space

I call this a “white space block.” It’s five or 10 minutes during your day when you don't have to accomplish anything. You can sit and:

• Drink some water.

• Listen to music.

• Play the piano.

• Stare at the wall.

Seriously. You can just stare at the wall.

The important part is that you don't immediately fill that space with another task because I know how easy it is to think: “I have 10 minutes! I can unload the dishwasher.”

Resist the temptation! The dishwasher can wait. This is the time to give your brain a few minutes where it can stop scanning for what needs to happen next, not flex time to get things done you didn’t get done earlier.

Put It on Your Calendar

If you wait until you “have time” to take a break, there's a good chance that time isn't going to magically appear, so schedule it. Put it on your calendar like you would an appointment.

I do something similar between meetings. I have a calendar where people can schedule appointments with me, but I intentionally leave space between those appointments. Otherwise, I could easily end up in back-to-back meetings all day. Those little spaces give me time to reset before moving on to the next thing.

You can do the same thing at home. It can be whenever you want or can fit it in. The specific time doesn't matter nearly as much as protecting it.

You're Also Teaching Your Kids Something

When you take a break because you're overwhelmed, you're modeling regulation for your kids. We spend so much time trying to teach our kids to recognize when they're getting overwhelmed.

We teach them to:

• Take a break.

• Use your coping strategies.

• Move away from the situation.

• Take some deep breaths.

How often do they actually see us do those things?

Imagine you're getting overwhelmed and instead of pushing yourself until you yell, you say, “I want to help you, but my body needs a minute to calm down. I'm going to take five minutes, and then I'll come back.” That’s how regulation can work and how your child gets to see what it looks like in real life.

You're showing them that needing a break is something we can notice, communicate, and respond to. It isn't something to be ashamed of.

You Don't Have to Earn Rest

I think many moms carry around the belief that rest has to be earned. Many moms think, “I'll sit down when the kitchen is clean,” or, “I'll take a break after I finish this.”

In a family, especially one where multiple people have different sensory, emotional, and regulation needs, there may never be a moment when everything is completely done.

Remember that a well-supported mom is a better-regulated mom, and a better-regulated mom is better able to co-regulate with her kids (which means less meltdowns among everyone!)

Rest doesn't have to be the reward you finally receive after you've successfully taken care of everyone else. It can simply be part of taking care of yourself.

Try This Today

Open your calendar and find 10 minutes. Block it off. When that time comes, don't clean something. Don't catch up on email. Don't start researching something for your child.

Just exist for 10 minutes.

If 10 minutes feels completely unrealistic right now, start with five, or even one. Build the habit and go from there.

Remember that you're not trying to completely overhaul your life overnight. It’s all about creating a tiny pocket of space where your nervous system doesn't have to be responsible for the next thing.

If you want help understanding co-regulation and rest, download our Ultimate Guide to Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child.