Understanding Your Autistic Child's Meltdowns: A Guide for Parents

Understanding Your Autistic Child's Meltdowns: A Guide for Parents

"I don't want to stop playing the Xbox!" My son screamed as he threw the controller across the room. He was having another meltdown. 

It was the end of a good evening: we ate his favorite dinner, meatballs, and spaghetti- no sauce for him! Then he asked if he could play the Xbox for a few minutes before bed. I said he could.

I used the usual strategies - giving him a countdown when it was almost time to stop playing. He told me he was only going to play for a few minutes.

But when I saw that controller thrown across the room - I took a breath. I had a choice to make. 

What is a Meltdown?

Before I get into exactly how I supported my son through this situation let me clarify what I mean by a meltdown. 

It's not just a tantrum or a behavioral issue—it's an intense response to overwhelming emotions or sensory stimuli that can completely overwhelm your child's ability to cope in that moment.

At that moment, my son was feeling a lot of feelings and didn’t know how to handle the situation best. Yes, he wanted to keep playing Xbox, and he communicated that to me the best way he could. 

Signs and Triggers of Meltdowns

Recognizing the signs and understanding the triggers are essential in managing meltdowns. 

Every child is different, but common signs may include heightened anxiety, sensory overload, frustration, or even physical symptoms like trembling or sweating. Triggers can vary widely from loud noises to changes in routine or sensory sensitivities.

When you understand your child's triggers, you can start to create an environment that helps them navigate difficult situations. For my son, that trigger was a change in routine. 

In the Moment: What to Do During a Meltdown

When you find yourself amid your child's meltdown, you have a choice to make.

Yes, it would feel really good to join in, feed the meltdown, and maybe even throw a controller yourself. 

OR you can regulate yourself and co-regulate with your child, helping them calm down

Here are some strategies that might help:

1. Stay Calm: Staying calm is easier said than done! I understand that you want to join in on the meltdown, but it is essential to model self-regulation and help your child get back to being calm.

Take a deep breath or another strategy. 

2. Create a Safe Space: A quiet, low-stimulation environment can sometimes work wonders. It might be a corner of a room with soft lighting or a favorite blanket. My kids' favorite place to go is the cupboard under our counter. We keep it empty for a reason!

Create a space for your kid where they can go when they recognize they need to self-regulate. Maybe have some books, coloring, or even some toys available.

3. Offer Comfort: Physical touch or soothing words can provide reassurance, depending on your child's preferences. Sometimes, they need a hug. Sometimes, they need to be left alone with a favorite stuffed animal or other comfort item.

Give your child options for how they'd like to be comforted and help them self-regulate. 

4. Respect Sensory Needs: If your child is sensitive to certain stimuli, like noise or touch, try to minimize those triggers.

When my son threw the Xbox controller, I chose self-regulation for myself and my son at that moment. I validated his concerns and said I understood he didn't want to stop playing the Xbox, but it was time for bed. I held him as he cried and then helped him get ready for bed.

Post-Meltdown: Reflect and Regroup

The work is not done once your child has come back to calm. You can reflect on the experience.

- What Worked?: Write down any strategies that helped soothe your child during the meltdown so that you can remember them for next time.

- Patterns and Triggers: Awareness of patterns or common triggers that lead to meltdowns can help you come up with preventative measures to lower the frequency of meltdowns.

- Self-Care for You: Remember, supporting your child through meltdowns can be draining. Don't forget to take care of yourself too!

After I had that experience with my son, I reflected on what worked and what didn’t. I do not always choose self-regulation in that moment of decision. Things never go well when I do this. We all just end up mad and crying. When I choose self-regulation, my son and I  may end up crying still,  but it doesn’t end in a yelling match or feeling terrible about ourselves. It ends with my son feeling validated and understood.

Preventive Measures

Remember that you can't always prevent meltdowns, but understanding your child's triggers and early signs can help minimize their frequency. Establishing routines, practicing relaxation techniques together, and seeking professional guidance are all proactive steps.

Parenting a neurodivergent child brings unique challenges, and managing meltdowns is just one part of the journey. Remember, you're doing a fantastic job simply by being there for your child.

Check out this week's episode of the Every Brain is Different Podcast to learn more about trusting your instincts and helping your child with Melissa Berger.