The Mental Load of Moms: Why Burnout Is Not Your Fault

When I was at my cousin’s house this past August, she said something that hit me right in the gut: 

“I wake up overstimulated.” 

I felt that because I do too. Before the day even begins, the weight of meals, groceries, therapy schedules, emotional regulation, and never-ending snack requests is already pressing down.

Even with a supportive partner (and mine really is amazing), the mental load of motherhood often doesn’t get shared equally. Moms carry invisible tasks like tracking doctor appointments, remembering school absences, and anticipating meltdowns, even when someone else is technically “helping.” That invisible weight adds up, and it can be overwhelming.

The Reality of Interruptions and Decisions

Here’s a wild statistic: moms are interrupted every three minutes. That’s about 400 times a day. No wonder we feel frazzled! Add to that the staggering number of daily decisions, which is around 35,000 for moms compared to 15,000 for dads, and you’ve got a recipe for exhaustion.

This isn’t about blaming dads or partners. It’s about recognizing that mothers often absorb the bulk of the household’s cognitive and emotional labor, which puts them at higher risk for burnout.

Burnout Is Not a Personal Failure

If you take nothing else from this, hear me: burnout does not mean you’re failing. It’s not a character flaw. It simply means the demands on you are greater than the resources you currently have to meet them.

Living in burnout feels like being stuck in constant fight-or-flight mode. Your body stays on high alert, your heart races, and you can’t calm down, even when nothing is “wrong.” As a neurodivergent parent, this can be amplified because sensory input hits harder. Noise feels louder. Touch is more intense. Decision fatigue sets in faster.

The Whisper–Talk–Shout Scale

One tool to understand and manage overwhelm is what I call the Whisper, Talk, Shout scale. It helps you tune into your body before you hit a breaking point.

• Whisper Stage: Mild tension, shallow breathing, or foggy thinking.

  • Try a one-minute reset: hum for 30 seconds, drink water, stretch, or remove a sensory trigger like background noise.
    

  • Use micro-decisions: instead of “do the dishes,” say, “take this glass to the sink.”
    
    

• Talk Stage: Irritability, spiraling thoughts, constant multitasking.

  • Use a two-step pause: say “pause,” take three long breaths.
    

  • Set boundaries like, “I’ll answer you in one minute when the timer goes off.”
    

  • Try a family hand signal to indicate “do not disturb.”
    
    

• Shout Stage: Overwhelm, rage, urge to flee, or complete shutdown.

  • Step away if another adult is present.
    

  • Ground yourself: splash cold water, push against a wall, or use calming affirmations like, “This surge will pass.”
    

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for backup—from your partner, a friend, or even professional help.
    

Reset Practices for Moms

Daily resets don’t have to be complicated. Here are some simple options:

• 60-Second Reset: deep breaths, rolling your shoulders, humming, or sipping water.
  

• 5-Minute Reset: tidy one surface, step outside, text a friend, or close your eyes with a timer set.
  

• End-of-Day Reset: take a shower alone, stretch, or write down three wins from the day (yes, even small ones count!).
  

These small practices can shift your body back toward calm and keep you from climbing the Whisper–Talk–Shout ladder.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If today you woke up already overstimulated, you’re not broken. You’re human. Your body is giving you signals that it needs help and support. Offload what you can, set clear expectations, and practice resets before the whispers turn into shouts.

Remember, community matters. If you’re looking for encouragement and real-life strategies, join me inside the Neurodivergent Parenting Community. You don’t have to carry the mental load alone.