Feeding Challenges in Autistic and ADHD Kids: Strategies That Work
If you’re raising a child with autism or ADHD, chances are you’ve faced the battle of limited diets and food refusals. Maybe your child will only eat a handful of “safe foods.” Maybe they’d rather go hungry than try something new. You’re not imagining it; feeding challenges are real, and kids absolutely can starve themselves when the anxiety around food is high.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
Why Kids Refuse Food
For many neurodivergent children, food isn’t just about taste. It’s about sensory experiences, which include smell, texture, sight, and even the context of eating. Some kids will flat-out refuse a meal not because they’re “picky,” but because the smell is too strong, the texture feels wrong, or the food is unfamiliar.
In my home, one of my kids once went nearly 24 hours without eating because nothing available felt safe to him. He insisted he would “rather die than eat” what was offered. That’s how powerful food anxiety can be.
The Role of Feeding Therapy
If food struggles are interfering with your child’s health or family life, a feeding therapist can help. Feeding therapy is often provided by occupational therapists or speech therapists. The process is slow, but it works:
Start with a food your child likes and a food they avoid.
Allow them to explore the “unsafe” food without pressure. Touch it, smell it, or simply let it sit nearby.
Gradually bring the food closer, for example, on the table, next to their plate, and eventually on their plate.
Encourage playful interaction. Let them stack, squish, or even build “food mountains.”
When they’re ready, ask them to lick or take a nibble.
This slow exposure builds tolerance without forcing the issue.
Assent-Based Feeding Approaches
A key part of success is assent-based therapy, which is respecting your child’s boundaries and moving forward only when they’re ready. If your child refuses to touch or taste, back up a step. The goal isn’t compliance; it’s trust and gradual progress.
This process can take months, and it requires patience. It works better than battles at the dinner table, which only increase stress for everyone.
What to Avoid
Forcing food. It only deepens anxiety.
Expecting progress when your child is overstimulated. New foods should be introduced in calm, low-pressure moments, not after a long day or in front of judgmental relatives.
Comparisons. Every child is different. What works for one may not work for another.
Practical Tips Parents Can Try at Home
Let your child help prepare meals, including choosing foods, cooking, or even just stirring, can give them a sense of control.
Offer small exposures regularly, but keep expectations realistic.
Remember that familiar “safe foods” (yes, even chicken nuggets) serve an important role in regulation and comfort.
Final Encouragement
Feeding challenges can feel isolating, but you’re not alone. Your child isn’t refusing food to make life harder. They’re navigating real sensory and anxiety barriers. With patience, exposure therapy, and assent-based strategies, progress is possible, even if it’s slow.
Parent the child you have, not the one others expect you to have.
Remember: small steps count as big wins in the world of feeding therapy.
If mealtimes feel like battles and you’re exhausted from worrying whether your child is eating enough, you’re not alone. Feeding struggles are one of the hardest parts of raising a neurodivergent child, and they can leave parents feeling frustrated, judged, and unsure of what to do next.
Inside the Neurodivergent Parenting Community, you’ll find parents who understand what you’re going through. Together, we share real strategies for picky eating, food aversions, and feeding therapy. You’ll get guidance you can trust, encouragement when progress feels slow, and the reminder that small steps truly are big wins.
You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Join us today and find support for the struggles that happen around the table and beyond.
