How to Talk to Your Autistic or ADHD Child’s Coach About Their Neurodivergent Needs
Sports can be a great outlet for kids. It’s a place to build friendships, burn energy, and learn life skills like teamwork and perseverance. For neurodivergent kids, a typical practice or game can also bring sensory overload, confusing social rules, or fast-paced instructions that are hard to process.
If you’re a parent wondering how to set your child up for success in sports, one of the most helpful things you can do is communicate with their coach. You don’t need to give a full diagnostic history or convince anyone to overhaul their approach. You just need to share the right information in the right way.
There are two great ways to do that: writing a letter or talking to the coach in person.
Strategy 1: Write a Simple Letter or Email
This is a low-pressure, non-confrontational way to communicate. You can hand the letter to the coach before the first practice, or send an email ahead of time. Coaches are often juggling a dozen things at once, so a thoughtful letter gives them something they can come back to.
Here’s what to include:
1. A brief thank you.
Start with appreciation. Many coaches are volunteers or paid very little. A simple “Thank you for your time and energy coaching this team” goes a long way.
2. A short summary of your child’s strengths.
Share what your child brings to the team, such as enthusiasm, creativity, a strong kick, a love of routines, or whatever it is. Framing the conversation around strengths makes it feel more collaborative.
3. What helps your child succeed.
This is where you can mention specific supports. For example:
They do best with one- or two-step directions
Loud environments may cause overwhelm, so gentle redirection helps.
They may need reminders to stay on task if they get distracted.
4. What to avoid if possible.
You can mention things like:
Yelling or calling them out in front of others
Giving too many instructions at once
Sudden schedule changes without a heads-up
5. A reassurance that you're here to support.
Let the coach know you're not asking for special treatment; you just need a little awareness to help everyone succeed.
You might say, "I’m not asking for major changes, just a few things to help [Child’s Name] participate in a way that works for them. I’m happy to support you however I can.”
Strategy 2: Have a Quick In-Person Conversation
This works especially well if you already know the coach, if the team is more competitive, or if you feel a conversation would be more personal.
How to approach it:
Catch them before or after practice (not in the middle of practice)
Ask if they have a few minutes sometime soon.
Keep it brief and clear.
Lead with appreciation.
Frame it as a collaborative effort.
What to say: “Thanks again for coaching this season. I just wanted to share a couple of things that help my child get the most out of practice. They do best with short, direct instructions and a little extra time to process. I’ve noticed that positive reinforcement really motivates them. I just wanted to give you a heads-up so things go more smoothly for everyone.”
This doesn’t need to be a long, formal meeting. Most coaches will appreciate the heads-up and the tools to better support your child.
You’re Not Being “That Parent”
Advocating for your child is not overbearing. It’s empowering for you, for your child, and for the coach who wants to do their best.
Most coaches aren’t looking for perfection. They just want their team to have fun and grow. When you provide information about how your child functions, you’re giving them a better chance to do that.
So whether you send a letter, have a chat, or do both, remember that your voice matters.
You know your child better than anyone, and your insight could be the key to making this season a great one.
Listen to Episode 93 of the Every Brain is Different podcast, where we walk through real-life scenarios, tips for dealing with resistant coaches, and how to make sure your child feels supported every step of the way.
