Supporting Social Skills Without Forcing Kids to Mask

Social skills are often talked about like a checklist. Things like make eye contact, take turns, say the right thing at the right time are often mentioned. It’s so much more than that, and for kids with autism and ADHD, it can be very hard to navigate. 

Neurodivergent and neurotypical children process the world differently. Neurodivergent children often think more literally, while neurotypical children tend to be more flexible. These differences can lead to misunderstandings, especially in social situations. Those misunderstandings can go both ways. 

It’s Not About Fitting In, It’s About Understanding

Teaching neurodivergent kids about social norms is not about making them act neurotypical AKA “masking.” Masking can be exhausting, confusing, and harmful. 

Teaching neurodivergent kids social norms is about helping them understand the social world around them, so they can make informed choices about how they want to engage. 

Just as important as teaching neurodivergent kids, neurotypical kids need to learn about neurodivergent communication styles, too. It’s a two-way street. 

Common Social Challenges

Many kids with autism and ADHD face social challenges that go deeper than not knowing the “rules.” For example, when I was younger, I had rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), which is common in people with ADHD, and I didn’t know it. RSD can make social interactions feel risky or overwhelming. As a kid, I thought that no one liked me, so I did not engage as freely with peers. This led to fewer connection opportunities. I wish I had known about RSD and had someone to help me navigate it. 

Your child may be experiencing the same thing. They may have false thoughts that prohibit them from engaging in social interactions the way they want to, or they may not engage because social norms are just too confusing to understand. 

4 Strategies to Support Social Skills

Here are four practical ways to help your neurodivergent child navigate social situations without pressure to conform or “mask”:

1. Structured Play
Create low-pressure opportunities for social interaction through structured activities. Play is one of the most effective ways children learn, especially when they can practice specific social scenarios. This helps them practice what they want to do when they are with their peers. 2. Visual Supports
Use pictures, charts, or visual schedules to help your child understand expectations. Visuals make abstract social rules easier to grasp and give your child a sense of predictability.
3. Role Playing
Practice different social situations through role play. This builds problem-solving skills and gives your child a chance to try out different responses in a safe setting.

4. Social Stories
These short narratives explain social situations and expected responses in a way that makes sense for your child. Social stories teach norms without demanding conformity, offering your child the choice of how to respond.

Making Social Skills Part of Daily Life

You don’t need to set aside special time every day to practice social skills. You can build them into daily routines:

• Talk through social situations at mealtimes.
  

• Encourage turn-taking and emotional expression during play.
  

• Work with your child’s teachers to include social goals in their classroom routine.
  

• Practice skills in real-world settings, like the grocery store, park, or birthday parties.
  

Supporting social skills shouldn’t be about changing who your child is. It should be about helping them feel confident and equipped to connect with others on their terms.

If your child is struggling with social interactions and you want to help them, check out episode 103 of the Every Brain is Different podcast.